The voice we carry

The useful part

Someone who braided my hair before school, whose fragrance stayed with me even when she wasn't around and whose face was the most beloved. Sometimes the first person who teaches a girl to doubt herself is another woman who loves her. "You'll never learn." "Why can't you be more like their daughter?" "You are too clumsy." At the time, I did not think of those words as wounds.

How it works

• Even success is followed by a familiar whisper insisting it could have been better.
• It took me years to realise that not every scar announces itself with raised voices or bruises.
• Some arrive disguised as comparisons, others as constant criticism, affection that feels conditional, or expectations that leave little room to simply be.
• A compliment begins to feel undeserved because faults were all they ever heard.
• The very voice that should have nurtured confidence starts eroding it slowly.

What to take from it

A mistake feels catastrophic because perfection was expected. It happened in passing, disguised as ordinary afternoons and ordinary conversations. She looked at me for a moment before asking, "Is this really what you're wearing?" I left my hair open.

Details worth keeping

The first person who told me I was 'too much' was not a stranger. After all, mothers scold, mothers worry, mothers know best. The cruellest part is that daughters rarely stop loving their mothers.