Take a Mental Vacation: The Soft-Spoken Parent

The useful part

We rehearse the offense, build our case, and gather evidence for the prosecution. Research on close relationships suggests that taking a timeout when we are angry is not very useful if we spend the break continuing to think thoughts that keep us angry. We may stop the lecture or argument with our child and head outside to weed the flower beds.

How it works

• If, while pulling weeds, we are mentally reviewing everything the child has done wrong and preparing the next round of our argument, we have not really taken a timeout.

Example or evidence

• Anger is rarely a good state of mind for understanding our children.

Details worth keeping

When something bothers us, we humans often choose anger. We have merely moved the argument into our heads.