When purity culture and family expectations collide: one man’s divorce and a surprising gift from his mother

The useful part

She had just asked if I knew that a prominent man in our community had been engaged to someone else before breaking it off and eventually marrying his wife. However, starting in middle school, Dad had been pushing me toward getting married early in college. Then you can graduate and get a job, and she can start having children.") Brad Bull Although she wasn't older than me, Dad adored my fiancée — for good reasons.

How it works

• For context, this was the woman who had insisted on working three years past her planned retirement to pay for my family's house while I pursued my Ph.D.
• I need you to try to understand that I have been lonely a long time and will be dating before the ink is dry on the divorce papers." I usually don't open email until I get to work, but the next morning, I...
• She was brilliant, had an effervescent personality, glowed in beauty and radiated commitment to Christian service.
• Still, there was so much about us that didn't fit, and I was questioning the relationship.
• One day during our sophomore year, she approached me with a sly smile and said, "I was just in your dad's office.

What to take from it

When my first wife and I got engaged, my father said, "Let me make this clear. You had a dirty diaper, and I started crying because I didn't know what to do. I knew this was a veiled suggestion that I break off my engagement.

Example or evidence

• Rather than the anger I expected in response to my disrespect, Mom looked at me with compassion.
• Along the way, I often envied my friends who waited until they found a good match or got divorced very early.
• During my divorce process, I called multiple friends who divorced during or shortly after seminary and asked forgiveness for my private condemnation.
• We are only doing this one time." We wed two weeks after college graduation.

Details worth keeping

Purity culture meets Mom's divorce-court gift – Baptist News Global Purity culture meets Mom's divorce-court gift Opinion Brad Bull | September 17, 2026 I threw my paint brush down and demanded my mother explain why she didn't like my fiancée. It was summer between my junior and senior year in college. Mom and I were painting a bathroom in my parents' house.

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