A mother who deliberately raised independent, capable daughters describes the persistent worry that comes once they start traveling and living on their own—and why that worry doesn’t mean she failed.
Teaching independence works: the author’s daughters plan trips, read maps, and act thoughtfully—exactly the skills she taught them.
Parental worry is not tied to the objective risk of an activity but to the fact that children are out in the world without a parent present.
Parenting toward independence requires emotional adjustment: letting go accomplishes the goal but reshapes daily life and ongoing concerns.
When her daughters were small, the author set out to raise them to be brave, capable, curious women—the kind who "order for themselves at restaurants," read maps, ask questions, and trust their judgment. She did the work: teaching skills, encouraging independence, and saying "you can do this yourself." That effort produced the result she wanted. The result also produced a new, sharper anxiety.
The piece frames this shift as the expected endpoint of parenting: actively engineering your own obsolescence. Every independence-building moment—teaching a skill, handing over responsibility, stepping back—aims at raising someone who doesn't need hovering. Parents talk about that goal at playdates and in passing, but the author notes the job description rarely mentions how it will feel when the goal is realized.
If you're raising children toward independence, expect competence and expect worry. Competence is evidence the parenting worked. Worry is a separate response that can coexist with confidence in your child's abilities. The author's experience suggests treating worry as an emotional residue of a job well done rather than a sign of failure.
Concrete steps implicit in the story
The author ends with an acceptance of the trade-off: she succeeded in raising independent women, and now she carries a quieter but persistent concern for their safety. The independence she worked to cultivate is present and visible, and the emotional cost is part of the package.
This article is courtesy of Public Square Magazine . Visit their site HERE . The final installment of a series on women in a darkening world, including “ Envy, The Wall Between Women ,” “ In Defense of Men ,” “ When Motherhood Devour s,” and “ How Jordan Peterson Made Me a Better Mother ” Cover art: William Adolphe Bou
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