From Greg Zaffuto’s book excerpt, this piece explains how narcissists use charm, manipulation, and boundary violations to extract admiration, control, and emotional supply from others.
They routinely violate boundaries, gaslight, and shift blame to avoid accountability and maintain control.
Their moral code is situational: behavior is driven by immediate gratification and preserving superiority.
Recognizing consistent patterns — charm, exploitation, dismissal, and hypocrisy — can help victims limit harm.
# Central claim Narcissists treat people as objects to be used. Every interaction becomes an opportunity to gratify their ego, often at the other person's expense or worse. The behavior is described as deliberate rather than accidental: charm is a tool to obtain what they want.
# How they get what they want Narcissists present a likable, seductive persona to draw people in. That charm is purposeful and strategic. Once a target is engaged, the narcissist shifts tactics to obtain admiration, fear, or compliance. The post calls this extraction of emotional or material "supply." When charm no longer serves, tactics change to control and punishment.
# Common tactics and behaviors
These tactics are used consistently to maintain dominance and extract whatever the narcissist needs in the moment.
# Their relationship to rules and morality The account describes narcissists as operating without stable moral codes. Decisions and judgments are relative to immediate desires. There is no genuine concern for fairness, dignity, or accountability. Because they refuse to accept responsibility, consequences are displaced onto others through blame and shame.
# Boundary violations
# Why victims get stuck The combination of charm and harm keeps people confused. Victims invest effort trying to "fix" or reason with the narcissist and encounter a brick wall: no consistent empathy, only more blame. The narcissist can be both seductive and punishing, which makes it hard for targets to predict behavior or decide to disengage.
# Patterns to watch for
# Practical implication When interaction consistently results in emotional depletion, shame, or blurred reality, the relationship is likely exploitative. Identifying patterns (charm, distortion, blame, boundary violation) helps clarify whether to limit contact, set firm boundaries, or seek external support.
# Final observation The piece frames narcissism as an agenda of taking rather than giving. The behaviors outlined are portrayed as intentional strategies to maintain superiority and supply rather than occasional lapses or misunderstandings.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist The most dangerous predators among us are ingeniously masked, veiled, or disguised. They carefully surround themselves with people entirely unlike themselves (their minions or flying monkeys.) Basically, deeply emp
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! We are all steppingstones that they walk on and over to get what they want. ONCE we understand this and internalize this, we must NEVER engage with them or look back at them as […]
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! What they say and what they do are ALWAYS two different things – their words are empty and ‘blanks’ that they use to manipulate a person or situation to THEIR advantage! They feel completely […]
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! The Narcissist is an EXTREME egomaniac and feels so deserving of everything in life – this is the totality of their infliction and what makes them a Narcissist because nothing else matters in their […]
At Mumbai’s forest edge, a leopard crossing the boundary of Sanjay Gandhi National Park also crosses between administrative categories: protected wildlife inside the park, and outside it, potentially an intrusion, a threat or a management problem.
Your discipline and self-respect are commendable, but you’ve walled yourself off from unpredictability.
Loading more related stories...
Open the app view to save this story, compare related coverage, and continue from the same source.
