How To Make Your Avoidant Ex Anxious — practical steps from a breakup coach

# What this episode covers

Lucia, a dating coach who specializes in getting exes back, outlines specific tricks intended to make an avoidant ex start worrying about losing you. The goal is to change the avoidant's internal calculation by removing the expectation that you'll always wait around.

# The core idea

Avoidant partners often stay emotionally distant because they feel they can leave without consequence. The episode's central tactic is to remove that certainty. Lucia argues that when an avoidant believes your presence is not guaranteed, they may reassess the breakup and experience anxiety about what they lost.

# Concrete approaches mentioned

• Create and maintain meaningful distance rather than arguing. Silence and predictable absence are described as tools that shift the dynamic.
• Use specific, strategic behaviors that signal you are not indefinitely available. Lucia references real client examples to illustrate how small, consistent changes can produce different responses.
• Combine distance with selective communication when appropriate—Lucia has other episodes and materials about what to say and when to respond.

# Where this fits with related advice

This episode sits alongside Lucia's other content about avoidant attachment. Related episodes discuss:

• Why an avoidant might come back when they experience a particular emotion.
• What happens when you go no contact with an avoidant and how absence can change their view.
• Phrases that create emotional safety so an avoidant doesn't pull away.
• The pitfalls after an ex reaches out, especially assuming outreach equals a desire to reunite.

# Practical takeaways you can act on

• Plan your absence. Decide what "not always available" looks like for you and follow through consistently.
• Avoid drama. The episode emphasizes behavioral change over confrontation or pleading.

• Use other resources Lucia offers if you want scripts or a step-by-step plan—she references a book and coaching options for people who want guided next steps.

# What Lucia points listeners to

Lucia mentions ways to get more support: her coaching, the Silenzio app (iPhone and Android), and her book No Contact Secrets. She also references her Instagram as a place for additional tips and examples.

# Who this episode is for

Listeners who believe their ex has an avoidant attachment style and want actionable tactics to change the ex's perception of the breakup will find the episode relevant. It's aimed at people willing to use structured distance and pattern changes rather than trying to convince or chase.

# Final note

The episode frames anxiety in the avoidant ex as a potential lever for reopening contact or prompting re-evaluation. Lucia presents this as a behavioral strategy backed by client stories and points listeners to her longer materials for scripts and coaching.