Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 24, 2026 ~1 min source read

“Charlie Brown Must Stay the Course”: A Football Kick Autopsy Report by the Democratic Party

In the wake of another painful, difficult outcome, the Democratic Party has completed its review of Charlie Brown's most recent failed attempt to kick the football. Peppermint Patty, in particular, vociferously argued that after several successive years of identical catastrophic results, it may be worth examining whether Lucy's role in the kicking process has become counterproductive.

“Charlie Brown Must Stay the Course”: A Football Kick Autopsy Report by the Democratic Party

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In the wake of another painful, difficult outcome, the Democratic Party has completed its review of Charlie Brown's most recent failed attempt to kick the football.

Peppermint Patty, in particular, vociferously argued that after several successive years of identical catastrophic results, it may be worth examining whether Lucy's role in the kicking process has become...

The central lesson of this cycle is not that Charlie Brown should stop trusting Lucy.

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The useful part

In the wake of another painful, difficult outcome, the Democratic Party has completed its review of Charlie Brown's most recent failed attempt to kick the football. Peppermint Patty, in particular, vociferously argued that after several successive years of identical catastrophic results, it may be worth examining whether Lucy's role in the kicking process has become counterproductive. The central lesson of this cycle is not that Charlie Brown should stop trusting Lucy.

How it works

  • It is that Charlie Brown must do a better job explaining why trusting Lucy remains the responsible choice.

Details worth keeping

It's no surprise to us, but the findings are straightforward. Charlie Brown must attempt to kick the football again.

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