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How to Read Good or Maybe Great
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 28, 2026

How to Read Good or Maybe Great

Originally published in the near future. - - - Are you one of the last humans reading? You are rare. Appreciation! I wrote this—personally, with hands—to help the billions who don’t read to read good again. It’s painful, but with my technique, you can read entire sentences without requiring additional stimulus. Confuse

Our Edible Glue Is Not Edible
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 25, 2026

Our Edible Glue Is Not Edible

Consolidated Harvest Friends, LLC Interoffice Memorandum Not For Public Release Dear Executives, Executive Assistants, Interoffice Subordinates, and High-Value Shareholders— Recent disturbing reports have surfaced which claim that Glünch: The Edible Glue, the newest addition to the beloved product line of Consolidated

Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: August 2026: Atrocities 1211-1280
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 24, 2026

Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: August 2026: Atrocities 1211-1280

Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes , and it felt urgent to track them, to ensure these horrors—happening almost daily—w

First, Add No Shame
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 23, 2026

First, Add No Shame

You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.” - - - This morning, on a walk around my neighborhood with two poor

GIRL CODE: What He Texts vs. What He Really Means
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 23, 2026

GIRL CODE: What He Texts vs. What He Really Means

Sup Hey Down 2 hang tomorrow? Are you free this Friday? Not looking for anything serious I’m only asking because I’m looking for someone But we could still have fun To drive me out into the woods R u on Snapchat? And dig a hole Add me on Snapchat And bury me in it I had fun last night No weird stuff, just digging a dee

Reviews of New Food: Chicken and Waffles Oreos
Mcsweeneys iconMcsweeneysSep 29, 2026

Reviews of New Food: Chicken and Waffles Oreos

I’m an American, and as such, I believe in free and fair elections. Actually, let me dial that back. I used to believe in them, and I’d like to again. So when I heard the cookie perverts over at Oreo had launched their “Twist, Lick, Vote” campaign , I felt a long-dormant patriotic swell awaken in me. A heroic call to c

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