Reviews of New Food: Chicken and Waffles Oreos

The useful part

So when I heard the cookie perverts over at Oreo had launched their "Twist, Lick, Vote" campaign, I felt a long-dormant patriotic swell awaken in me. A heroic call to civic duty compelling me to make a decision that will impact the people of our country for potentially several weeks, until the next marketing gimmick comes along. It's a responsibility I take seriously, and candidly, I'd like to microdose a little democracy—as a treat.

How it works

• This immediately gave me pause because all bad things come in threes: the heads of Cerberus, celebrity deaths, witches on the blasted heath.
• In this case, we're presented with Banana Pudding, Deep Fried, and most ominously, Chicken and Waffles.
• Oreo is asking us to vote for which of these flavors we'd like them to continue making.
• I'm an American, but also a Southerner, a Tennessee native, born and raised.
• I recently joined the experimental 600,000-person polycule known as Portland, Oregon.

What to take from it

Here, it's only a matter of time before some bearded lumberjack gets off his kayak, blends up shrimp and grits, and serves it as a folksy ice cream flavor at Salt & Straw. This is all to say that when I got my hands on the Chicken and Waffles Oreos, my expectations were measured for this latest shameful debasement of a southern classic.

Details worth keeping

I'm an American, and as such, I believe in free and fair elections. I used to believe in them, and I'd like to again. There are currently three limited-edition Oreo flavors on the shelves.