Learning to listen while living with chronic pain from MS

# Overview Desiree Lama, a PhD student diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis as a teen, writes about living with chronic pain that often looks invisible to others. She explains how pain can exist alongside normal-looking behavior — conversations, work, laughter — while the body resists behind the scenes. The column focuses on the daily choices and mindset shifts she uses to manage the tension between doing and conserving energy.

# How the pain shows up

• Appear without an obvious trigger.
• Move around the body or make ordinary tasks feel harder.
• Make getting comfortable or sitting for long periods difficult.

Those unpredictable changes force constant recalculation: Will resting help? Should she slow down or push through? Often there isn't a clear answer, which creates mental exhaustion.

# The cost of invisible pain Because the pain is not always visible, Desiree describes a common situation: appearing fine in public while struggling privately. She notes this mismatch can lead others to underestimate her needs and can make her frustrated with her own body. The hidden nature of the pain also means planning is complicated — she must consider the physical cost of future activities and accept that plans may need to be altered based on how she feels.

# Rethinking productivity and strength Desiree argues that the conventional definitions of productivity and strength don't fit someone with chronic pain. She offers a simple reframing:

• Strength can mean accomplishing tasks despite pain.
• Strength can also mean recognizing limits and stopping when necessary.

She emphasizes that stopping, resting, or changing plans should not be seen as failure. Those choices do not undo what was achieved on better days.

# Learning patience and kindness toward the body While Desiree still wishes her body felt different, she says she's learning patience. The column's practical shifts include accepting the body that carries her through life, being kinder in daily self-talk, and reducing self-blame for limitations. That internal shift doesn't remove pain, but it changes the relationship she has with it.

# Personal context

# Takeaway for readers